Behaviour: Nice? Kind? Good? or Appropriate?

You see ‘be nice’, ‘be kind’ ‘just do good’ posts on social media all the time.
What is happening there?
Is it a soundbite which sounds and feels good to the poster (and they think will make others like them more), or are they superficial  enough to actually believe it?
The motivations behind our behaviours are nuanced (whether some realise it or not).
Just saying ‘be nice’, ‘be kind’, ‘do good’, doesn’t cut it as a serious outlook on life.

‘Oh, but you know what is meant’, will be the complaint.
Well, no I don’t, certainly not always, and my concern is that the people saying it don’t really know what they mean, other than superficially, either.
Who gets to decide what counts as nice, kind or good behaviour in any situation?
If you, why? If them, why?
Surface level thinking without the nuance either of degree or accounting for exceptions, leaves you open to awkward questioning that can cause you to contradict yourself or even appear hypocritical.

So this type of warm & fuzzy yet pointless exhortation is a real curse of social media and time-handicapped TV slots; they make the complex sound easy which can lead to doing or saying what’s expedient (cowardice), not what’s right (courage/truth/honesty), which is a very dangerous and therefore foolish thing.

Surely a more accurate exhortation would be for us all to act appropriately in every situation, which of course, requires wisdom, which I define as good judgement.
Good judgement in turn requires the ability to see and then weigh-up both the immediate and future effects of your behaviour, both on the individual/group on the receiving end and, importantly, upon yourself.
[Tip: sometimes you have to make a choice between two less than ideal outcomes.]

We can all see that appropriate behaviour is much more socially mature than any exhortation of the ‘be nice’, ‘be kind’, ‘be good’ type, because it allows much more freedom of choice over how you judge it best to behave in any given circumstance.

Who decides what is appropriate behaviour? You or them?
It has to be YOU.
Otherwise, you can be forced into doing or saying things that you believe to be false or at least, unwise, purely to gain the other’s approval.
Knowingly doing or saying things you don’t believe or don’t believe are the best course of action is the sort of cowardice that eats away at your soul, piece by piece.
It's shaming; and if we get used to acting shamefully, we will eventually find that, in tricky situations, we can’t act any other way.
We become very good at justifying our shameful behaviour because it’s easier than looking ourselves in the mirror and deciding to find the courage necessary to change from expedient behaviour to appropriate (honest) behaviour.

I accept of course that in most situations, we will all agree on what is the appropriate behaviour and often, even very often, this will coincide with what most would class as nice, kind, good.
Equally, we should all be socially well-adjusted enough to know how to put a differing or unpopular view across so as not to cause immediate antagonism. But here’s the rub:

It's not in the vast majority of ordinary daily life scenarios that properly understanding what is appropriate or wise behaviour matters.
It’s in the minority of difficult, awkward, potentially embarrassing or dangerous situations that appropriateness or wise judgement, as opposed to expediency, is so important.

If your priority at all times is not to upset anyone; not to contradict them; to say or give them what they want, whatever they want, you’re not exercising wise judgement, merely following a somewhat cowardly formula of obsequiousness, harmlessness and servility.
Is it really so important that, regardless of circumstance, regardless of truth and honesty, our main driver should be simply not to risk someone thinking or saying that we’re not a nice person? Really?
It shouldn’t be.
That’s weakness, both of intellect and character.

Now the other person may well fully accept that weak behaviour; may even praise and thank you; shower you with gratitude; tell you how wise you are; tell you what a nice, kind and good person you are.
But that doesn’t mean you’ve behaved in the most appropriate way; the wisest way; the way that’s in their or your best interests.

By the way, I am by no means claiming never to fall into the same trap. But I’m hoping that awareness and attention to it at least allows me the hope of improvement; an improvement which the shallow over-simplicity and cowardice of complicity and expediency never can.